Raspberry Glazed

Spent most of last night throwing up. For the last two years or so it’s happened about once a month. My blood sugar spikes or the vertigo kicks in and… well I won’t bother you with the gory details. Last night was completely my fault though. I can’t blame the M.S. for this one. I simply ate too much rice. I love rice. I could eat rice all day, every day. Unfortunately my body doesn’t agree with my taste buds.

I don’t drink anymore. I don’t do any drugs other than what my doctors prescribe to me. I don’t party or anything like that. The only vice I have is that I love food. Well, being a diabetic is really a bummer for a “foodie” like me. I love chocolate. Can’t have it. I love rice. Can’t have it. I love corn. Can’t have it. I love foods that taste good. For the most part, can’t have it. Seeing a pattern develop here?

Keep in mind the fact that I can’t and shouldn’t have certain foods does not mean that I don’t have them. For the most part I am pretty good about it. Well… that was a lie. I suck at it. If offered the choice between a burger or a salad, I’m gonna go for the burger. If there is a cookie sitting around and no one else has claimed it, “C is for Cookie! That’s good enough for me!” Picture me covered in blue fur with the bugged out plastic eyes and everything.

I try to be good to myself. I honestly do. It drives Melissa insane! I love her so much and appreciate everything she does to help me. But I turn into such a whiny little prick when she asks me to watch what I am eating. I see myself doing it and I try to stop, but I just keep shoveling that crap right into my pie hole.

I know that losing weight and eating right won’t cure my M.S. But it will make things better for sure. I will feel better, have improved mobility and probably look better too. It will also make things easier on my heart. So as of right now (and I KNOW that I will regret this later!) I am making myself accountable for taking better care of myself.

Most of this blog will still be a place where I can bitch and moan about all the crap I love to bitch and moan about. But I am going to start posting about things that I am doing to take better care of myself. Whether it’s taking the dog for a good long walk or skipping the burger and eating that salad. It might be turning on the exercise channel and doing some yoga or just grabbing Melissa and dancing around the living room to a couple of songs.

I don’t want to box myself in to a specific picture of what it’s going to look like. I think that’s why I have always failed at losing weight and getting healthy. I put too many stupid restrictions on what I am going to be doing. If I surprise myself and make it fresh and fun it might just work.

It’ll be better for Melissa and the kids too. Hopefully fewer nights of hanging outside the bathroom door making sure she doesn’t have to take me to the hospital. Maybe some more energy to play with the boys and get into good enough shape that I can help coach little league or at least walk up the stairs without feeling like I’m going to die!

I’m sure that I will slip up and try to take this all back. There’s a Dunkin’ Donuts on every other corner out here. Every time we pass one I feel like Homer Simpson with my mouth open, drool sliding down my chin and moaning “Raspberry Glazed!” (Which I actually do say out loud from time to time) I can’t say that I won’t have a donut on occasion, but my goal is to make it much less frequent.

I need to respect the phrase, “Everything In Moderation”. Up until this point in my life I haven’t heeded that wisdom. It’s time I started acting like a grown up and take charge of my own decision making when it comes to food. I was able to quit smoking. I stopped drinking easily enough. I know that I have to eat to live. I just have to stop living to eat.

Who wants to place bets to see how long it takes me to start complaining?

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